Are you sabotaging your own career?

When things don't go your way, it's so much easier to blame it on someone else than take personal responsibility for what happened. And if anyone can sit there and tell me they've never done that, then they’re not telling the truth. Of course you have. I have. Everybody has.




Let’s be honest, for most of us it feels great to go home and let off steam about a lunatic boss who makes our lives a living hell or a colleague who got the promotion that we thought was ours.



The real problem with that strategy is that, in all probability, you're full misguided hot air and that in actuality you know it. Not only is that attitude unhealthy for you, it's unhealthy for your career, too.



That's because the mechanism in play - self-limiting or self-destructive behaviour - also happens to be a self-perpetuating infinite loop. Here's how it works:

• Things don't go your way, so you get angry and blame others.

• But, deep down, on some level, you know it's your own fault.

• So you feel guilty and ashamed and beat yourself up.

• That lowers your self-confidence and increases your self-doubt.

• Your work performance suffers as a result.

Round and round it goes, and there you have it: self-perpetuating career self-sabotage.



How can you stop it? The first step to solving any problem is recognising that there is one. The second step is actually harder and that's because changing behaviour you've spent a lifetime developing takes an awful lot of work.



Most people aren't consciously aware of their own self-limiting or self-destructive behaviour, so we’ve listed a few of the key issues:

1. Believing that someone else is the problem. The odds that there's some conspiracy to hold you back, that everyone's out to get you, that opportunity's there for all but you, or that all your bosses and colleagues are backstabbing villains, are zero. The problem is you. And thinking it isn't, is what is actually holding you back.

2. Putting yourself ahead of your company. It's counterintuitive, but the best way to get ahead is to put the needs of your company first, for the simple reason that doing your job well and going above and beyond the call of duty will come back to you eventually. Nobody's going to go out on a limb and shower you with promotions until you prove yourself capable, which means getting results ... for the company.

3. Thinking you know better instead of listening and learning. Those who act as if they know it all and have overinflated opinions of themselves are usually overcompensating for deep feelings of inferiority and insecurity. Everyone knows it but them.

4. Feeling entitled to something, anything. People throw the "entitlement" word around a lot these days, but there's a simple truth in business: You're not really entitled to anything. You earn entitlement by working hard and making something of yourself; that's about it. The truth is that whatever you feel entitled to you'll never get.

5. Drinking the magic potion, i.e. that there's some magic secret to getting ahead. Becoming successful in the real world requires every bit of whatever brains God gave you, the wisdom you learned along the way, and pretty much all your energy and focus. By definition, every brain cycle and moment you spend thinking there's a better way - a magic way - works against you by detracting from what it really takes to succeed: brains, hard work, and learning from experience.

As ever, your comments are welcome, you might have other thoughts on how people manage to undo all their previous hard work. www.chestertongray.com

How NOT to fire someone: 5 common mistakes

Unless you're a natural bully, firing someone is never fun. It is, of course, a necessary part of being a manager, and it's a skill that can be honed. The worst mistake, according to experts? Going through the motions like a robot. Act like a human being. There is a very good chance that one day it may be you on the other side of the desk and you'd appreciate being handled like one.

Here are 5 common firing mistakes. Avoid them, and you'll become as proficient as possible in the skill of laying someone off with respect:

Not looking your soon-to-be ex-employee in the eye One of the best ways to show respect is to make eye contact. This is incredibly important - there's another human being across the table from you and being human at this difficult time will make a huge difference to them after they've left and recall how this was handled, especially if it’s their first time. It can scar people for years to come.

Being cagey about your reasons Explaining your reasoning -- briefly -- is the fastest way to give this difficult situation a silver lining. Done the right way you can help catapult someone's career instead of paralyse it. By being open, you can help them excel in a different environment if they don't fit yours.

Being too friendly about it It is entirely possible to sack someone and to be so nice about it that they don't realise they have actually been fired. Getting fired is emotionally very tough, but you can soften the blow by making your message clear and as concise as possible. This means starting right away with your unfortunate message, and then adding any "thank you for your contributions". Of course, this latter comment will depend upon the situation.

Not involving HR Whether your human resources team is ever-present or stays behind the scenes, this is one of those key times that it can often help to use your HR team. If you can have an HR Manager in the meeting with you or waiting elsewhere, it allows the person being terminated to talk afterward with the HR person who can explain issues such as final pay and any ongoing benefits, that will become very important to the individual.

Not shutting up After giving someone this difficult news, give them 30 seconds to digest the blow. Continuing talking while the message is being processed doesn't help them and can certainly hinder the person's ability to get through this moment. Finally, avoid getting into a very detailed discussion of the situation (beyond a brief explanation). By doing so there is a very good chance that you could unintentionally say something that may come back and bite you at a later occasion. Having an HR person present who understands the legal niceties can prevent you from saying too much, or too little.

In my experience almost everyone has either been through this situation or knows someone who has, so as ever, the team at Chesterton Gray would like to hear your thought. www.chestertongray.com